Dearest Sant E. Claus,

I haven't been so good this year. In fact, I've been really really bad. Really bad. Caps lock might convey the gravity of my badness... BAD, seriously. You seem like a nice guy though, since you see me when I'm sleeping wouldn't you like to see me in this?:

Now, I know this wouldn't exactly help me be good, but good is boring, don't you agree?
I thought so.
If you could get me a decent sized apartment sans cats that'd be super too. I won't push it though, start with the underoos, then we'll talk.
You're the best Big Red, cutest too, I dig the beard.
xoxxxxxxx
emily M.
Brooklyn, NY