red moon is rising behind you

the ocean is pounding away


Haiti is living one of my worst nightmares, all I can do to help is give money in Whole Foods and buy all the cds we were playing at work, all proceeds went to relief so now I feebly feel like I helped a little and have The Walkmen as the soundtrack to my morning, that's a win win, but I still feel odd.
Last night I was around Wall Street meeting a friend for dinner. I've hardly been over there since September 11th because it terrifies me. I came home and wrote my boyfriend about it. I said, "That neighborhood is really strange to me, like another world, you have to pass the remains of the World Trade Center to get anywhere and it's still very surreal, there's people everywhere, they're all walking fast but orderly, lots of suits and everyone looks exactly the same, they're all looking ahead, in the middle of this synchronized uniformity there's a massive pit in the ground, jutting from it are these giant cranes brought in to help bandage the gaping wound that years later still stings..." I had a nightmare about him last night, when I woke up there was an email back that simply said, "Hi. Do you have a new boyfriend who is an artist? Be honest." The honest answer is no, so that's what I wrote back, but I feel like I'm still in a nightmare.
Tuesday night I stayed over Michael's, something caught fire out the window of the apartment bellow, I noticed the light against the wall of the building right next to his, walls don't ordinarily glow, I stuck my head out the window and saw the flames rising every second higher, they were just inches from my face, I shouted for Michael to come help, together we filled pots and pans with water which we hurriedly sent cascading against the hungry glow, other neighbors started to notice and freak out but we were the only ones doing anything, it took a lot of water and patience but we got it out and went to bed. Michael woke up every hour for the rest of the night, he had to look out the window to make sure there wasn't another fire, neither of us slept very well.  Now he says I saved his life and had to write something on facebook about it, I guess that's what Chris saw. I feel like a terrible person, I'm stuck in a nightmare, I can't wake up.