crazy people are everywhere.
I might be one of them,
but I bet you are too.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Is it possible to still have feelings for old flames?



Ems
Hey there, it's good to hear from you. Sorry about your hoodie , who knows maybe someday you'll regain the same feelings of content that you used to have toward that sailor like decaled cotton throwover. Anyway Im extending an invite over if ever want to have the best breakfast in Williamsburg . Plus I can show you around my work, catch up.


Paulito,
I can not say what my feelings might be once I'm reunited with that old and soft blue thing. Being that it is 90 degrees in my apartment, in the out of doors, and in my place of work, I'm not so sure those feelings will include enthused, but we'll see.
I am accepting the invite. Off this week, are any of your mornings free? 
xoems

Staycation all I ever wanted

It's 1:43 in the afternoon and I have yet to eat a thing.
Today is the start of my last vacation days.
I don't have to be back to work until next Tuesday.
I don't really know what to do with myself.
People from my past keep popping up, I'm confused and lovesick.
Last night I drank too much. When I woke up I was lovesick all over the bathroom sink.
My boyfriend hasn't tried to sleep with me in a long time.
My left eye has had this inner twitch for a few weeks now.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Maybe I should see a doctor.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

hold me closer tiki man

Love is the strangest of feelings.
How can a person be capable of loving so many different nouns at the same time?
I have always been in love.
I will always be in love.



People places and things i'm loving right now:
paintings. animals. Italian food. Michael H. summer. foreign films shown out of doors. my mother. the beach. Edward Scissorhands. book writing. book collecting. book reading. water. male models who make you feel like you must be special because why else would they want to hang out with you when they could be hanging out with anyone else? (Sean R, you make me feel special). old friends. new friends. people who like to talk and listen. stories. stripes. Mike F. re-reading old love letters from years ago. vacation days. thai iced coffee. pouffy dresses that pop up in the wind. fans. tea cups. giant tiki men who make me feel tiny.

Monday, June 21, 2010

this is the last minute of the first day of summer

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

la vie est belle

try to remember not to forget

Saturday, June 12, 2010

self conscious and socially awkward

I have to leave for class in a few minutes. I'm scared. I haven't done anything like this by myself in a really long time. That portrait class I was taking at the Brooklyn Museum, that was with my mom and a bunch of other old ladies, it didn't count, but this, this feels like the first day of high school. What if everyone thinks I'm a freak? What if I bought all the wrong supplies? What if I do or say something really stupid? What if everyone else knows what they're doing except for me? What if we have to do that thing where everyone goes around the room and introduces themselves and says what they do for a living and a "fun fact" about themselves? What will I say?? I'll try to think of something kind of interesting but not too weird to say on my walk down there. What if I get hungry half way through and can't focus because all I can think about is food? Maybe I'll bring a snack. Okay, I need to find some clothes I won't mind getting paint on. I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Mexico por favor.

Today was an extremely frustrating day off.
For one thing, it hasn't stopped raining since I woke up.
Also, I spent my morning reading articles and watching videos on CNN.com about the oil spill. Anderson Cooper looks pissed, as he should be.
I brushed my teeth and got toothpaste all over my shirt. Once in toothpasteless clothes I attempted to get out of the house which took roughly 3 tries.
Attempt 1:
I am outside, it's raining, I have an umbrella but I'm thinking I need a coat. I'm back inside, I'm in my windowless room, I turn the lights on.
Where the devil is my army coat???
I pull up the bed covers, throw coats off my desk chair, rifle through hangers and settle for an odd purple coat I never wear because it's sort of ugly, it reminds me of Barney, I feel very silly, I leave, I shut the door behind me....
Attempt 2:
Where have my keys gone?
I open the door, I'm back inside, I check the couch, the kitchen counter, I look on top of my desk and on my messy bed, I spot them poking through the heap of coats recently thrown on bed, I leave again and lock the door behind...
Attempt 3:
I should call Michael. What the? Where is my phone????
I unlock the door, I throw my keys and umbrella down, I'm inside again, I turn every light in the apartment on, I check every room, I stomp back and forth like a crazy purple coat wearing lady, I check all the same places 3 times and reach under the heap of previously mentioned coats, I feel it, grab it, and run back into the rain disgruntled and late. I call Michael. I meet him for a bagel and tea.
I get to Pearl Paint before they close.
I have to buy my art supplies for Saturday's class, I have a huge list and a hard time finding things, I enlist the help of 3 people who work there, Francine for brushes, missing tooth man for a wooden pallet, and the twitchy lisper for paints and turpentine. I take it all to the register, there is missing tooth man, he rings me up, he says, "Are you from Greece? You look Greek." and "Can I see your ID?" and "Whoa you had long hair. When did you cut it? Why did you cut it?"
I leave with a giant canvas and $200 worth of supplies. I cart all of it home in the pouring rain. I unlock my door, I turn the lights on,  I take out my receipt and examine my expensive new supplies only to find that missing tooth man who thinks I look Greek and seems to be just as upset about my hair as I am has left out approximately 5 very important items from my bag.
I go into my windowless room, I turn my laptop on, I start looking at cruises to Mexico.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

i am going to be okay
you are going to be okay
we're all going to be okay

Monday, June 7, 2010

A change of heart and URL

Correction:
I am not delusional.
Except that I wanted to believe in someone I really thought I could. But that doesn't make me delusional, it just makes me naive and I'm still young so I'm allowed to be. Everything I write here is true and I'm not going to pretend that it isn't just so the girl you're seeing in Germany who somehow found this and reads it every day doesn't get upset. How did she even find it?? Did she google your name on skype? That's fucking weird. I'll be the first to admit that I shouldn't have done what I did. It was wrong, I should have never gone over there, but you should've never asked. If you've been secretly reading this too (and you have) than you know that I still love you. You know I'd do anything for you even if it meant jeopardizing what I have with someone else. But you lied to me and you used me.
I still can't believe this happened. You can delete me on facebook, you can tell that girl that what I wrote was a lie all you want, but that doesn't erase it from happening.
You told me not to write about you anymore, that I should at least use a different name, but Chris, I have never loved anyone as deeply as I have you, yet you have hurt me more than anyone ever has. I've mistaken the wolf for a lamb, this is tragedy, and I will write about it all I want. 

Saturday, June 5, 2010

love should never be an angry word.

Friday, June 4, 2010

you know who you are

I had no intention of upsetting anyone.
This space was meant for me as a personal release. I didn't think anyone was reading but I guess I'm just naive and easily duped. 
I'm sorry for any hurt feelings.
Maybe I'm delusional, maybe you shouldn't believe everything you read, maybe he likes you a lot. 
Word to the wise: 
You will always find something if you dig hard enough. I was once that girl too. It's best not to look.